What Is Your Parenting Style? And What’s That Got To Do With Toddler Nutrition?

In a recent post, I wrote about the importance of being a role model for your children in encouraging them to develop healthy eating habits. Research has shown that when asked to choose items from a play grocery store in a role play setting, children 2-6 years selected a mix of healthy and less healthy items mirroring the buying preferences of their parents. For example, when the parents buying preference scored high on the least healthy side, the shopping cart of their children also had least healthy products. Attitudes about food seem to develop at an early age; therefore, it is important for parents to consistently demonstrate a pattern of behavior – both inside and outside of the home – that encourages these attitudes to be positive and healthy when it comes to food selection.

The goal is clear (healthy eating habits) and the strategy is clear (be a role model), but how do you translate it into actions which will result in the desired result over the long run? In my post 6 easy tips for helping your child choose healthy foods, I offered a few ideas. That was only a start. In this post, I want to discuss a simple model that can help you develop your own action plan based on your own unique situation.

And the really great thing about it is that it can apply to everything, not just nutrition.

As a parent, you have enormous influence and control over your child. How you interact with him on a daily basis, and over the long run, will shape his behavior and future choices. I believe that parents already have a great instinct about how they should raise their children. And in most cases, those instincts are more or less the right instincts. Having said that, it is also quite natural to feel doubtful about those instincts. At times, you may find yourself wondering why – even though you are trying so hard – your child is still not showing healthy eating habits. Should you be doing something else?

It is perfectly ok to rely on instincts. However, we all live very busy and stressful lives. Under these circumstances, our own behaviors are usually quite erratic, inconsistent, and out of sync with our instincts. We lose track of what is important, act without a plan, and hope that everything will turn out to be fine in the long run. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way!

Understanding your style of parenting is the first step in developing a solid action plan. Parent-child relationship is very complex, and I don’t claim to be an expert in it. However, I want to share with you a simple model of parenting styles I read in a paper recently which provoked some thoughts and ideas you may find useful.

In this model, there are 4 types of parenting styles based on acceptance and control:

1. Authoritative – exercises authority when necessary, but also frequently accepts the will of the child
2. Indulgent – is more accepting and affirmative, allows the child to learn gradually without much discipline
3. Authoritarian – values obedience and enforces discipline through punishment, less forgiving
4. Disengaged – does not care, neglectful

So how do you figure out your style? Since you are reading this article, your style is probably not in the Disengaged category. You certainly care!

But what about the other three categories? One way could be to first think about how often you let your child “get away” with what he wants. Rate your acceptance level in terms of always, sometimes or rarely. Now think about how often you force him to do what you want. Again, rate your level of control in terms of always, sometimes or rarely. Now put the two ratings together:

• Always letting him get away, rarely forcing – your style is Indulgent
• Rarely letting him get away, always forcing – your style is Authoritarian
• Sometimes letting him get away, sometimes forcing – your style is Authoritative

It is most desirable to have an Authoritative style of parenting. In fact, research has shown that an authoritative style is associated with reduced smoking initiation, increased physical activity and reduced sedentary behavior in girls. Authoritative does not mean random acceptance and control; rather it means that you exercise a balance of give and take at appropriate times. There is no fixed formula for doing this. It all depends on your what is important to you and where you draw the line.

Now that you understand your parenting style, the next step is to understand your partner’s style. Unless, of course, you are a single parent. Although there can be several combinations based on these 4 different styles, I am going to focus on only 4 to keep it simple! This is because, I am going to assume that at least one of you has the Authoritative style.

Situation 1: You are Authoritative and your partner is Indulgent

Pros:

• Together, you balance each other in terms of acceptance and control.
• Under stress, the Authoritative parent can get Authoritarian; and the Indulgent parent can get Disengaged. In this situation you can keep each other in check.

Cons:

• One parent can be perceived as the “Good Cop” and the other as the “Bad Cop”.
• The Indulgent parent may lose all control over the child, especially when alone in a stressful situation.

What to do:

• Have a good agreement on what is acceptable and what is not.
• Do not try to settle your differences in front of the child; do not make it an “I have to be right” situation.
• Be flexible, but regularly confirm with each other if things are still on track.

Situation 2: You are Authoritative and your partner is Disengaged

Pros:

• The child does not get confusing signals; only one parent is actively engaged.

Cons:

• One parent carries the load and may begin to resent the other; feeling “It’s not fair“.
• The Authoritative parent may feel the pressure to discipline the child even when he/she may not want to.
• The Authoritative parent may feel a loss of control and may either become Disengaged or Authoritarian.

What to do:

• Set the expectations for a certain level of commitment and engagement from your disengaged partner.
• Understand the main reason for disengagement and find out if it is temporary of chronic.
• Seek professional help if needed. Act early enough to preserve your relationship.

Situation 3: You are Authoritative and your partner is Authoritarian

Pros:

• The Authoritative parent can keep the Authoritarian parent in check and protect the child from excessive discipline.

Cons:

• The Authoritative parent may turn into excessively Indulgent to counterbalance the Authoritarian parent.
• The Authoritarian parent may turn into Disengaged. In that case, the cons of situation 2 apply.

What to do:

• Have a good agreement on when the Authoritarian parent can exercise control and discipline. Also, discuss what kind of discipline can be allowed.
• Explain to the Authoritarian parent why you decided to “let the child get away” in a certain situation. Be consistent in your own behavior and make sure to keep your partner in the loop.
• Resist the temptation to be the “Good Cop” with your child.
• Do not settle your differences in front of the child.

Situation 4: You and your partner are both Authoritative

This is the perfect situation! Celebrate your relationship often!!

What is your style?

How would you describe your parenting style? And what about your partner’s parenting style? Would you do anything different based on this model of parenting styles? Do you have any other suggestions?

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Tagged as: healthy eating, Healthy Habits, Parenting, Parenting styles, Role Model, Toddler Nutrtion