This is a guest post by Annie, Mom of 2, and blogger who writes about the art and science of parenting at the PhD in Parenting blog.
When TwinToddlersDad asked me to write a guest post about attachment parenting and toddler nutrition, I wasn’t sure where to start. There are so many things I could write about. Rather than try to tackle them all, I’m going to give a brief overview of attachment parenting perspective on nutrition and then touch on one key issue in more detail.
Feeding with Love and Respect
Attachment Parenting International (API) has eight principles for attachment parenting. One of them is “Feed with Love and Respect”. At a basic level, this means that:
Feeding a child involves more than providing nutrients; it is an act of love. Whether providing for the very intense hunger needs of a newborn, or serving meals at the family dinner table, parents can use feeding time as an opportunity to strengthen their bonds with their children.
API’s information on feeding with love and respect touches on a number of issues, including:
- Breastfeeding and attachment
- “Bottle Nursing”
- Nurturing through feeding
- Introducing solids
- Nurturing a taste for nutritious food
- Gentle weaning
Dr. Sears, who coined the term “attachment parenting” has said that parents should not feel responsible for their toddlers’ every meal. They do not need to worry about what their children eat or how much they eat. He says that the parents’ job is to buy the right food, prepare it nutritionally, and serve it creatively. The rest is up to the child.
Extended breastfeeding and toddler nutrition
In attachment parenting circles, a lot of babies are breastfed into the toddler years and sometimes beyond. In fact, breastfeeding until the age of 3, 4 or beyond is more common than people think. Breastmilk continues to provide many nutritional and other benefits to nursing toddlers. The problem is that most nutritional guidelines for toddlers are written with an assumption that the child is weaned completely from the breast and formula by 12 months. However, nursing toddlers still get a lot of their nutritional requirements met by breastmilk.
According to FitKids (published by the Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada), children between 1 and 3 years old require between 1000 and 1200 calories per day on average. Kellymom.com’s information on the average breastmilk intake for toddlers demonstrates that a good portion of those needs can be met with breastmilk:
Several studies have measured breastmilk intake for babies between 12 and 24 months and found typical amounts to be 14-19 oz per day (400-550 mL per day). Studies looking at breastmilk intake between 24 and 36 months have found typical amounts to be 10-12 oz per day (300-360 mL per day).
Since 1oz of breastmilk is equal to about 22 calories, on average 33% of a nursing 12 month to 24 month old’s nutritional requirements are coming from breastmilk and 22% of a 24 to 36 month old’s nutritional requirements are coming from breastmilk. As such, parents that do chose to nurse their children into toddlerhood don’t need to worry if their child is not eating as much food as other children their age.
Weaning, whether child-led or mother-led should be a gradual process, with solid food slowly replacing breastmilk as the main source of nutrition. According to kellymom.com’s excellent information on nutrition for nursing toddlers:
It is normal for baby to keep breastmilk as the primary part of his diet up until 18 months or even longer. An example of a nice gradual increase in solids would be 25% solids at 12 months, 50% solids at 18 months, and 80% solids at 24 months.
Watch your toddler, not the plate. If your toddler is growing well and is in good spirits, don’t worry if he isn’t eating very much as he may still be getting most of what he needs from nursing.
Book recommendations
I hope this post has given you a taste of the attachment parenting approach to toddler nutrition. If you want to read more, if you are concerned that your child isn’t eating enough, or are looking for ideas to make mealtime more fun, then check out these books:
- The Baby Book (by William Sears M.D. and Martha Sears R.N.): Dr. Sears’ Baby Book is an excellent general information book for parenting in the first two years, containing parenting advice, developmental information, and medical information. It has a chapter specifically on “Feeding the Toddler” that has lots of suggestions for getting your toddler to eat and figuring out if your child is eating enough. It also touches on food allergies, choosing the right milk for your toddler, and avoiding pesticides.
- My Child Won’t Eat! (by Carols Gonzalez, M.D.): Why you shouldn’t worry too much about what your child is eating or what the growth charts say. This book looks at how eating problems start and how they can be avoided. It also includes many stories from mothers that have tried to get their children to eat and emphasizes Dr. Sears’ assertion that a parent’s only involvement should be providing healthful food choices (not forcing the child to eat).
- Mothering Your Nursing Toddler (by Norma Jane Bumgarner): This book provides great information about the normal course of breastfeeding a toddler, helping moms and dads know what to expect.
- Whining & Dining (by Emma Waverman & Eshun Mott): This is my preferred cook book for little eaters. It includes meals and snacks that the whole family will love and that are nutritious too.
How have you incorporated “feeding with love” into your relationship with your toddler? How do you ensure adequate nutrition while also respecting the fact that it is your child’s body?
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This is a fantastic article. So many parents place stress on the child during mealtime during the “picky toddler” stage. I love how you suggest to watch the child, not the plate.
Great article! I too like that you said to watch the kid & not the plate. That is true with most things – if the child is healthy & happy that is what matters.
I also like that you mention extended breast feeding. In most cultures it is the norm, that’s what we need to work on here.
Thanks for this! We are very slowly starting to wean, my daughter is 2 years & 3 months now, up until now I have been very confident knowing she is getting lots of goodness from nursing, but I find now that it is so easy to get caught up in the “what are they eating” hysteria which seems to get worse the more online (non-AP) info you read!
I found Carlos Gonzales’ book to be so reassuring and yes, I agree with watch your child, not the plate. I just have to stop eating her leftovers now
oops hit “submit” too soon, I have a little helper here! We have had great success with muffin tray meals, Littlepixie finds them to be great fun!
Watch your toddler, not the plate. If your toddler is growing well and is in good spirits, don’t worry if he isn’t eating very much as he may still be getting most of what he needs from nursing.
Yes! Our 16 month old is weaning himself at his own pace – he’ll devour some things (porridge most notably) and others he’ll just put in his mouth to taste. Most of his nutrients come from breastmilk, and he’s a very happy little boy!
The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding up to the age of two years and beyond. Both of our kids breastfed up to 18 months to 2 years. Once they started biting, all bets were off!
I too am slowly weaning my toddler(2yr 1mth old now) as he has been into biting and am tired of him constantly waking up at night to nurse. Watching the toddler instead of the plate works for me as I believe if they are hungry they will automatically look for you for food.
What a fantastic article! I have been lucky enough to discover AP & Dr. Sears and both play a huge role in how my family approaches nutrition. At 25 wks pregnant with a 19 month old toddler, I continue to nurse and look forward to nursing both my children once our new baby arrives. I approach food as Dr. Sears suggests, we watch the child not the plate. I think for many parents it’s difficult to remember that a toddler is still developing in his/her unique way and that includes tastes and appetite. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful information.
What a fantastic article!!
It makes me feel so much better about my picky eater (although I’ve recently found a way to sneak the healthy foods that I’d like him to eat, into the foods he’d like to eat).
I was feeling a little self-conscious about my skills in toddler feeding department but this article definitely made me feel a lot more confident in my decisions. Thank you.
Thanks so much for this insightful article! This made me feel so much better about my 16 month old’s eating and nursing patterns. After reading this, it put so many things into perspective. Thanks!
This is a great article! I think more health professionals should look into this type of information, as I’ve heard from many mothers whose pediatricians recommended that they wean because breastmilk doesn’t provide any nutrition in the toddler years — which doesn’t make a bit of sense! With my toddlers, I’ve learned that they’ll eat when they’re hungry and not to worry if they eat less during some meals than others.
Thanks for this. I need this kind of reassurance sometimes. I am tandem nursing my 3 month old and my 3 yr old, and my 3 yo is still very picky with solid food. I know she is healthy and thriving, but I worry sometimes about her pickiness even though I know it is normal.
I really appreciate all of the great feedback on my guest post here. I’m glad to see that the topic resonated with so many parents of toddlers and that you found the information useful in assessing your child’s eating patterns.
I loved this post, I am planning to breastfeed until my daughter is 2 years and then decide if she is ready for weaning. My sister in law nags me all the time that my daughter is not eating enough but I’ve been watching my daughter and she’s almost one now and is growing steadily and happily. I offer lots of food choices but she’s still more dependent on breast milk. My mother is a nutritionist and always points out that if you don’t worry too much about the quantity of food but about the quality of food offered to toddlers you could be helping them combat life long diseases like diabetes and obesity.
I find how much a toddler is eating (or rather not eating) is such a big issue in an Asian culture, albeit mostly from the older generation. I hear all sorts of horror stories, such as children who are threatened to be smacked for not eating (I was raised rather similarly and would get placed in a time out for not eating when I was a child).
As a mother of a picky toddler who is still nursing at the age of 2, I would get a lot of pressure to wean because of the belief that breastmilk was putting my son off solids. They felt that my son was drinking too much breastmilk which made him too full to eat solids.
I’m glad I read Kelly Mom because her site reassured me that I was doing the right thing so I persisted with the breastfeeding – although there were times when I was wondering if my son would have eaten more if he wasn’t still breastfeeding. Interestingly, I met a mother who weaned her nursing toddler for the same reasons only to discover that his solid intake hasn’t increased at all, but he now drinks cow’s milk to replace the breastmilk he used to drink…
There are lots of reasons why toddlers don’t eat as much – my son’s case was because his molars were very late out and he had a lot of problems with teething. There was also a rather unrealistic expectation on how much my son should be eating (the quantity was pretty much equivalent to how much I would eat as an adult) and he was falling way short of that expectation.
Although I had grand plans to keep the junkfood off the list, I succumbed to the pressure from the grandparents when he wasn’t eating. Perhaps this isn’t the right place for this question but I’m wondering what are the thoughts – if your child won’t eat, is some calories from junk food better than no calories at all?
Personally, I’ve felt that if he wanted to eat he would eat. I relented with the junkfood after being made to feel like I didn’t care for my son’s well-being. But now I’m worried that the junkfood consumption is getting out of hand.